My Escape

I can't seem to think of anything to write. I always feel a little better after sharing my thoughts here, I but I feel stymied, a mental block. I have been reading a lot more lately. I understand why Josh plays video games, I always have. But now so more then ever. I read, and I enjoy to read as a means of escape. My mind can concentrate on the story, and I don't have a chance to wander into my swampy thoughts. If I could, I would have a room in my house dedicated to reading. I suppose they would call that room a library. I want floor to ceiling bookcases, brimmed to the edges with books. And an over sized comfy chair, with a well placed window for just enough natural light to stream in. I love that. I just wish I wouldn't read through books so fast. I drink up a novel like a thirsty man chugs a glass of ice water. Before I am prepared, the book is over. I need to take a trip to Half priced Books sometime soon. I have been thinking about getting a Kindle, I like the idea of the accessibility for obtaining new books. You hear about a book that you would like to read, and in minutes, with the convenience of staying at home, there it is. But there is just something special about books, the smell, the feel. I don't know if I would want to give that up.

I have been trying to get an appointment with a counselor. I can't even seem to do that. I have called several, and I have received no phone calls back. I just leave messages. When I called one back again, she said she didn't take my insurance. I was a bit put off by her dismissal in her voice. Its a bit disappointing, and one would think that in their profession, some delicate people are reaching out for help. Um, is it good to not call back and have that person face more disappointment? I'm just saying. It takes a lot for me to get the nerve to call, and then when nothing seems to be working out, it makes me want to just give it up. I looked online today and came across another woman who looked nice. Yes, I just want someone who looks pleasant, she reminded me of Paula Dean, so it felt right. I called her and left a message.

Josh started his new job today, and I can't stop from feeling nervous for him. I just want him to be happy, and have everything work out.
I feel so tired today. I took a shower at least, that is good. And with no where to go, even better, yay for me.

Every time I drop Tommy off at school, he tears up and tries not to cry. When I ask him why, he says that he will miss me. I tell him I love him and will miss him too, but he will have such a wonderful time at school, he will have so much fun. And he does. When I pick him up, he is happy and in a good mood. I thank God for that little boy everyday. He is such bright spot for me, and I am so lucky to have him. Even when he annoys me beyond understanding, repeats the same question 30 times, and doesn't listen to what I say. I still adore him. I just love to stare at him, and squeeze him, hug him, read to him, tickle him.

Lately I keep wondering what Riley would have been like. I can picture him a little older, more awareness in his eyes. I wonder what his personality would have been like. I am sad that Tommy doesn't have a little brother anymore. Tommy was such a sweetheart with Riley.

Well, I found a couple of other books I can read, until I make a trip to the bookstore. That should last for a few hours. Back to my escape.