I give thanks for my family. Ten years ago, I stumbled across a dorky boy, shy but sweet. From the moment we first talked, looking into those big brown eyes, I was gone. Gone into a relationship with the man I would marry and start a family. We have had our share of ups and downs, but I have seen him emerge into a wonderful strong man, who has my heart always. He is my best friend, he knows me more than anyone, and I love that he can read me like an open book. We still talk for hours, hug for no reason, and can read each others mind. I think back to when we first met, when my Dad was still alive. Josh and I had only been out on a few dates. My Mom and I went out of town to visit family, and Dad died while we were gone. I came home to be with my brother, I didn't want him to be alone. Josh and I had just started dating, and the first time he met my family was when the door opened and he was bombarded by all of my family staring at him in the doorway. I remember him driving around, not being awkward or uncomfortable with me, as many do during those immediate moments following death. He held my hand, then me and let me cry. I love him will all of my heart and beyond that, he is the peanut butter to my jelly. I am so thankful for his love.
This time for us now will be the most difficult thing that we will ever have to endure, but I know that we will remain strong, and we are bonded together for an eternity.
I am so thankful for the wonderful bouncing boy that entered into our lives four years ago. I was unsure and scared of being a mother, I never considered myself the "motherly" type. But enter Tommy, and he has filled my life with so much joy and love, that sometimes I feel my heart overflowing. He has such a wonderful and funny personality, with each day bringing something out that makes me smile. My favorite times are in the mornings when he just wakes up, and comes to our bed. He crawls up and gets face to face with me, and then smiles. He says, "love you mama", with no solicitation. I love laying in bed with him, as he leans his head on my shoulder and cuddles into me, reading ALL of his books. He has a sweet nature, and loves to give hugs and kisses. I know that he will grow to be an amazing man, with so much to give. I thank God that I was given an opportunity to be a mother to this wonderful little man.
I am thankful for the time that I was given with my baby Riley. He made our family complete, and he always will. He will always hold a special place in our hearts. He was so tiny, such a little package of joy when he was born. He cried more and slept less, but I cherish every sleepless moment that I was holding him, and would listen to him cry for a million years. I loved that he was just starting to smile, and that I would lay him down and tickle his belly, and he would smile this huge grin up at me. I miss laying on the bed, with him next to me, just watching him sleep. I loved giving him a bath, his legs pumping with excitement. He enjoyed having the water on his head. I loved to rock him and just have him sleep on my chest, stroking his soft head. I loved his little toes, just like Josh's toes. I thank God that I was given the time with him. Given another chance to be a mother and have a baby to cherish.
I am thankful for the wonderful parents I was given to. I remember thinking and telling my mom when I was in high school, that I hope I can have a child someday, and make them feel as special as you make me feel. My mom would do anything for me, and even though she couldn't go to all of my events, or cheer me on at every game, I knew she wanted to be there. She helped me with projects, encouraged me when I was down, and pushed me when I was procrastinating. Our house was a different household, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. When my father would come up to school, people would stare. I would drape my arms over him, hug and love on him, and tell him he was the best father in the world. I was proud to have him as my Dad. No, he couldn't pick me up and hold me, or drive me to school, or make me dinner, but I could sit on his lap, and he could speed down the street, even without a car. He had a sense of humor that was endless and he carried himself without self pity. Even if he did get down, as I know he must have, it was never shared with me. From my parents, I learned that life can suck. It can and will be hard. But it's how you deal with the cards that are dealt that make you who you are. Laugh and life will be funny, smile and life will be happy.
I am thankful for my husbands parents. They are wonderful people, who would give anything to anyone. With giving hearts, they are an example of the selfless lives we are to live. I remember meeting Josh's mom for the first time, knowing she was special. I talked with her after my father died, and it was her encouragement and love that helped me open up and talk, meaning so much to me to be there without really even knowing me. She always has a positive outlook and disposition, without focusing on the hardships in life. I look at them as my parents, and thank God for having them in my life. They are wonderful parents and wonderful grandparents.
I thank God for my family. I have adored my brother for as long as I can remember. I always looked forward to seeing him again, letting me crawl on him, poke him and bug him as a little sister can. I longed for a relationship with him, and was thankful that we were given a chance to get to know each other. He moved in with us when Dad was very sick, and I am glad he came back down. I remember watching the Real World together, and laughing together. I would do anything for him, be anywhere and will always look up to him and adore him. He has a strength and fortitude that I don't even think he realizes. His words helped comfort me in the darkest moment, right after Riley died. He is my deep connection to a family now gone.
I am thankful for his first wife and her husband. They are wonderful people and despite the odds and past, they work together to form a wonderful family unit. I love my nieces with all of my heart, I love them like I love my own children. His two oldest daughters are blossoming into beautiful strong women. Full of strength, yet with a tinge of delicate children still there. I love my niece Hailey, she is my other daughter. Who knows if someday I will have a daughter, but I was given three wonderful girls to share my girly hopes and dresses with.
I am thankful that my brother was lucky enough to meet another wonderful woman, words cannot express the amount of love I have for her. She is my best friend, and I love her with all of my heart. I can count on her to call me when I need her, like she has a built in alert button that lights up when I have an issue. She is strength when I am weak, light when I am in the dark, a smile when I have a frown, an ear when I need to talk, a face to stare at when I just want to sit in quiet, and a joyful laugh to share when I need a release. With her came a wonderful little boy, who has grown to be a sweet spirit, a gentle teenager, with so much love. He handles the children climbing all over him, and with no angst he accepts their clamoring with a quiet smile. He is a wonderful and talented person, with an endless future and countless gifts. The word adore does nothing to convey the essence of my feelings for each and every one of them.
I am thankful for my mother's family, her mother, her two sisters and my cousins. On my father side I now that I have a huge extended family, but through time, we have lost touch. I miss the feeling of family, that feeling that takes you back to how you felt growing up. I can picture a scene in my childhood, an early morning where sunlight is just streaming through the windows. My father and mother in the living room, both greeting me as I enter. Walking past the sunlight, I feel the warmth of the sun, just as I feel the warmth of their love. I curl up on my mother's lap and she kisses my cheek. She gets up to make me something to eat, and I feel loved. Being around my mother's family brings me back to that feeling. I love my aunt's and each of them possess traits that reminds me of my mother. I love to hear stories of my parents, and it connects me to a feeling I often miss without realizing.
I am thankful for my friends. The past few weeks have been the hardest for me, but with the pain, their love and support overflowed. Nothing can ease the severe grief of losing a child, but the encouragement, thoughts and prayers held me up from drowning. I have realized that we are given gifts of friendship in life and ever more now, I cherish each relationship.
I am blessed to have my best friend Mary. We have known each other since the 6th grade, and have been best friends since high school. Two peas in a pod, we fit together. I can confide in her my deepest thoughts, and without judgement, she is always there for me. She has countless patience with me, and through everything, she has been there. I know we will be friends for the rest of our lives. She is my lifeline and she is the most giving and wonderful person, a rainbow at the end of my storm.
I am thankful for my work, and all the support I have received during several phases of my life. I love going to work, and each day is a new challenge, sometimes frustrating and most times rewarding. I am thankful for their understanding and encouragement.
I am thankful that I can share all of this, as I know that I have been very blessed. It makes me realize all that I have been given, and despite feeling like everything has been taken away, I feel renewed with the understanding of all that I have.
So, thank you. To each and every one of you. Thank you for all that you have done for me, and all that I have. Thank you God, for bestowing upon me these wonderful people and relationships.
I am so very thankful...
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