Bubble it Up.

Today Josh and I went to church, and it was nice. I feel like it starts the day off well. Josh will be going out of town tomorrow, and I have to say that I am nervous. I would like to put my entire family into a bubble and protect them from any harm or illness. I know this sounds crazy, but I can't stand the thought of anything happening to him. I have told God that he is not allowed to have anyone else for the time being. Thank you very much.

Josh will gone until Friday for training for work, and I will have the house to myself on Wednesday and Friday when Tommy goes to school. I have made several plans for company this week, and I am looking forward to each date.

I love spending time with Josh. We were able to go to a late dinner last night, and today we spent the day together. After church we went over to my brothers for a bit, and then to the store. After we dropped Tommy off with Josh's parents, we then went to our counseling session. I think it went well. I didn't really know what to expect, as those close to you know, I am not a big fan of opening up and talking. The first session was really a way for us to get to know the counselor and our background. I did enjoy speaking with her.

Josh and I made a commitment to set time aside for us to meet with her, and give us an opportunity to focus on our grief and loss. I realized that as the words came out of my mouth, I hadn't really thought about it like that, but as I spoke it made sense. We can travel through our days, living our new life, and a sense of normalcy can set in quite quickly. This can then be a hindrance to us emotionally, as we are not moving through the "grief cycle". Everyone handles loss and grief differently, and I think that through this, we can come together and work towards overcoming any obstacles that we will encounter. I was encouraged at Josh's willingness and enthusiasm, and I felt renewed with the feeling that we can come together more and more as a couple. We will be stronger together because of this.

I have never felt comfortable with counseling, and I have only been to a counselor once when I was still living with my parents, when Dad was very ill. Just didn't seem to fit with me. I have an appointment with another counselor on Tuesday, as I feel I would like some additional time for myself to sort through the gamut of emotions that continue to bubble up. But, I can see this as being a positive thing, that's what I continue to tell myself.

After counseling, we grabbed a bite to eat, and then went to the movies. Social Network, I recommend it, quite a decent movie.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not thinking of Riley all of the time. I believe I am still in the "denial" stage of grief, as I still can't fathom that this event happened. When I do allow myself to reach into those emotions and picture his beautiful little face, I feel empty and forlorn. I wish I could rewind the last month. Today is exactly one month. I need to find a large family size bubble.