Well, in just a couple hours, I will be at my appointment with the counselor. I am so nervous about it, and I don't know exactly why. I think one of the reasons the meeting with the church counselor went well for me on Sunday was that Josh was with me. I miss my husband. We have only been apart from each other this long one other time since we have been together. Josh went to the Katrina area to volunteer with clean up for a week after the hurricane. He did call me after each flight yesterday to confirm that he was still alive after each landing. I'm so glad he can deal with my neurosis.
Josh's parents leave Wednesday morning and I will be all by myself with Tommy. I am looking forward to some cozy Tommy time. I went to Half Priced Books and purchased about ten new books, from the $1 children's clearance section. We've got some reading to do! Of course I picked up a few selections for myself as well...
I wonder if I will cry during my meeting today. I can count on one hand the times I have unabashedly cried over Riley. For some reason, the tears do not come, and I do not force them. I suppose it's a defense mechanism, or that I want to remain stronger for whatever reason. It's hard to cry in front of people, I am not a hugger. And for some reason, when you cry, people want to hug you. I suppose it's the only thing that feels natural to do. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide in a closet. Then gather myself up, wipe myself off, pick up a shoe and come out of the closet saying, "Found it! I thought the shoe was in there. Just needed a minute to look".
Who knows. I hope I like her. I hope I let myself be free. I hope I will quit being so nervous! I'm not going for a job interview for goodness sakes. I hope she won't look at me at the end of the session, and with a forced smile give me names of other counselors that might suit me better.
Well, whatever happens, I hope I will feel better.
No comments:
Post a Comment