Oh What a Feeling

Today was the memorial for Riley. I can't share just yet how I felt about that.

I can't seem to get a grip on how I feel.

Georgie feels: sad+exhausted+melancholy+happy+lonely. Sadexmelonhaponly.

After everyone departed today, I left to run some errands. Some necessary, some not. It was the first time I was alone in the past seven days. Right before I left, I changed my earrings. I looked into the mirror and felt pretty. It felt odd to feel that way.

My first errand was to find a dry cleaner that could have Josh's suit jacket ready by Monday morning. FIVE dry cleaners later, I finished that feat. But on the positive side, it was near a Which Wich. I love those sandwiches. So I ate my sandwich by myself. And I felt happy.

My next errand was to go to the mall to exchange something, and get a thank you present for someone that did an amazing thing for us this week. As I walked through the mall, it was a crowded Saturday, full of teeny-boppers and old people. Navigating the busy mall, I visited my new favorite store. I selected my gift and walked out. I felt lonely. Such an odd feeling to have while surrounded by so many people.

Time feels like it moves so slow. I feel like I lose focus and just zone off into space. I stared at a Hello Kitty top in the children's section for what was probably 20 minutes. I got asked if I needed help by three different sales people. Perhaps they thought I was pondering just how to fit this size 5T shirt into my XL wardrobe. Perhaps they were wondering just when to call security. Ha.

I then went to my FAVORITE store. A craft store. Ahhhhh.....Perusing the goods, I touched everything, like I was trying to savor every moment. I missed my family that just left. I could just hear my aunt's voice in my head. I felt melancholy. Like I needed some Enya theme music to follow me around.

Sigh, then I went to Kohl's to get Josh a shirt. I usually love any Kohl's time, but it made me yearn to be with my husband so bad, I could hardly stand to not jump on the closest Josh look-a-like. I feel such a pull to my husband that I just want to share every breath with him. He is going to have to shake me off his leg like a dog in heat.

Driving home, I still had to stop by the store....and then get gas...which is a task I detest. Lugging the bags to the car I felt exhausted. And sad.

I miss my baby.